Reconstruction

So, the first and hardest week is over. Honestly some of my deeper questions remain as unanswered now as they have been for many years... the seeming complexity of my dillema has baffled me to the point where I just gave up after a while, and focussed instead on my immediate tasks at hand: taxes, frequent flyer miles, medical bills, practical things.

On my long trip I found true peace, learned what true trust is, saw incredibly beautiful places, and met beautiful people... but the one thing I sought to do: find a purpose is still a mystery to me.

Before I could really savor the end of getting all these things sorted, work has knocked on my door. Today I had my first day working again in 9 months. It was tough cause I was rusty, but I am picking up speed and I think by Monday I'll be back to my previous abilities. Part of me is happy to be earning money, but another part of me wishes it didn't have to be by supporting the consumerist economy.

Amsterdam is a strange place. I feel claustrophobic here, as there is little you can do outside aside from sitting at a cafe or in a dirty park. I miss the open beaches, forests and mountains of the pacific...

Dutch people are very interesting to observe. I was surprised by how foreign Dutch culture has become to me - when only 7 months ago I was really feeling 'Dutch' myself. There is an air of pride here which I never noticed before - this certainty with which people live their lives, but especially a 'pride of cultural logic' which, if anything, amuses me because the world seems so much bigger than people believe it is in Amsterdam.

The contrast between the Japanese culture could not be more extreme. And while Holland and Japan have a deep similarity when it comes to the extreme systematic control/elimination of their environment, the similarities end there.

The Dutch and Japanese are black-and-white when it comes to politeness, thoughtfulness, service, gratitude and open expressions of affection. The Japanese lack self-respect, the Dutch have clear limits they won't let any employer/person place upon them which I respect. Two stark extreme ways of being.

Culture: its like a great tentacle that weaves through our minds and hides in between our 'individual' thoughts - masking its will to make us believe that its thoughts are our own. It is a wonder we have unique thought at all.

Another area of vast difference is in the women: Women in the east, in Japan, retain their childhood selves into adulthood. Its common to see a Japanese adult woman with 10 stuffed toys in her car, or little charms all on her phone. At first I thought to my self, like many other westerners: 'how girlish Japanese women are!' but then it struck me... Japanese men are just as much boys when they grow up as the women. And the men in western society are just as boyish as the Japanese men. So now instead of seeing the Japanese women as the odd one's, I'm starting to think it might be the western women which have lost an aspect of their childhood in 'mainstream' thinking instead... as they are the odd balls.

Western women are mature, responsible. They grow up and forget their toys and dolls - while the 'men' still play games, watch/play sports and collect things and toys... so I really don't know why it is that western women repress their 'girl' selves more than Japanese women... but the effect is quite apparent.

Japanese women are extremely feminine, perhaps too much so - it depends on where you put your median. Someone recently told me that they think it is the Dutch women who run this society, and he went on to explain that its because of the role reversal... an interesting thought but its quite a bold statement so I can't say for sure I know its true.

One thing which I really enjoyed in Japan was the courting process. The fact that its known that you must court for weeks or months before the possibility of a kiss/relationship, made it ironically very free. Free in the sense that you could meet a woman, invite her for tea and enjoy your time together without either person having any stress regarding the possibility of something romantic developing.

It evolved things to a more gentleman's level. A cup of tea, a nice conversation, a warm smile and a bow wishing the other a pleasant journey and life moves on. Nothing more, but nothing more needed. I've learned a lot from this process, how to let go, savor time, and appreciate the natural love that radiates in the air we both share.

But these times are now behind me, these days, I dance instead in mist.

Two days of photos from Japan are now online, click: Photo album 4 on the right and navigate to Tokyo day 01 and day 02. Many-many photos are still to come. Hope you like them!

Love,

seb.