Procrastination?

So, yesterday I started to look at my life from a different perspective...

Instead of seeing it as me taking life as it comes, mutating gold opportunity to golden opportunity - following the silver thread of life as each new moment offers a new moment of growth; I started to look at it from a deeper psychological standpoint.

Roots; is the next phase of my life, where to put them? There are so many things I want/can do; but they all involve stability. As my life rotates through the cycles of the seasons [in the metaphorical sense] I develop now a desire to plant down the foundations that will later lead to the blossoming of various fruits.

But where?

Each new interesting place I discover has potential... be it Sydney, Melbourne, Auckland, Wellington, Bristol, London, Glastonbury, San Francisco, Portland... all of them share in common one thing: potential. But none of them are pulling me in to settle unquestionably - probably because I need to make that choice: and then the rest will follow...

Being on the road at the moment has created a certain stale-mate situation. For I am neither settled in Amsterdam; nor settled anywhere else. I need to make a fundamental decision about where I want to live, and by both not living in Amsterdam [traveling] and by not settling anywhere else [traveling] I am both not choosing to be in Amsterdam; but also not choosing to be anywhere else... a sort of procrastination.

Or rather, a kind of momentary objectivity of sorts. Where I can weigh my choices, my priorities. What is it I am actually looking for? What are my responsibilities? How can I live for the short and long term? My needs vs. those of others? The sum of all these questions results in a plethora of options; different scenarios that this little cranium often stumbles to grasp in its totality. It would be one thing if the future could be foretold; but even the most well educated decision will result in an unforeseen story; the mystery and joy of the unknown tale of life we spin...

A combined approach is necessary... I'm going to list out all my priorities one more time, my needs, my responsibilities - and see if I can't combine this with a feeling of a hunch... since after all the sum of my decision should be ascertainable by its totality - its a systems-problem; not a reductionist one. The answer to this life choice lies not in understanding the different aspects of my decision; but in grasping the total feel of the sum of all its components. Whole"istic vs. Reduction"istic thinking.