Momentary lapses

After a wonderful burn, I was left a bit heart broken. The kiwi burned in the flames, leaving me to wonder what it all meant... why did I carve a great bird? Will the legacy live on? Will people follow up on the message? [I wrote some text to go with the sculpture] Have I planted a creative seed for future kiwi-burn festivals?

I shed two tears on that night that I wouldn't see Bruce and Kathy for some time, tears are not something I shed very often anymore. I'll really miss them, they are such great people. What a powerful time to hold onto... and then how odd it has been to momentarily loose that clarity that I have held so closely for all these weeks - it was like the drain after the climax. I don't think I've ever been as outgoing, motivated and proactive as I was at this event... a true Leo: performer, creator, light giver, organizer, motivator - it was me in my full element.

However on this night I betrayed a friend, to protect the inocent, we will call this friend "Bob". Why this is, has become more and more clear; but it is a hard lesson to learn. I can't divulge details, but leave it said that "Bob" is aware, as I have confessed my deeds and hopefully I will be able to remain in faith with the person in question. While technically I didn't betray my friend; in my book I did. Ironically there was mutual betrayal at play, though in different terms - and I only learned of this much later. It will be too confusing to explain without discussing, so instead I will move on to how I have been resolving and processing these events instead... [you will simply have to accept this]

After Kiwi burn, Corey and I drove up to Coremandel. There we hoped to get at least 2 more days together; but alas we only managed to get one night before his 'spiritual retreat' hosts demanded that he show up "as previously agreed". Bummer, Corey left on the second day after Kiwi burn. Corey is my brother; and I his. We will definitely be seeing more of each other in the future. I now have a very good reason to take a [road] trip through Canada [fair well on your journeys Corey].*

I felt emotional and mainly confused as to how I could have been living such a high in life, and then succumb to a fall within an instant. At Corey's retreat I asked if they had any therapeutic sessions, they informed me that only one man was available to provide any sessions: A man named Sol.

Now Sol is also the name of my God father, in London; so this felt immediately quite significant. I inquired to what treatment he provided and he said he does physical posture analysis's combined with Watsu treatments. Apparently Watsu is a form of Shatsu only you are suspended in water by flotation devices while the person moves, stretches and manipulates your body. Now Sol was not cheap, but I was literally reaching out to any anchor I could find to regain myself - I was very stressed, something I haven't felt for many years to this level.

Apparently my posture shows a lack of chest expansion; something which my mother has told me many times [yeah yeah, i know mom]. He said my face, mind and upper chakras looked very open - but my power and emotional [surprise-surprise] areas were not as developed. Now clearly I have been working on these areas of my life in Australia and here; but the body is another step entirely to the mind. The body takes weeks if not months to correct in posture; we are talking training of some kind. The mind in this sense can be faster to change than the body - though this is not always the case.

He recommended: Akido, Taichi or Kungfu training for my posture - I thought how funny it was that I was thinking of doing martial arts in Japan [note to you: I probably don't have the time to do this in Japan; since I am only there a few weeks, but I will pick this up now when I return]. he also gave me a few key exercises to incorporate into my Yoga.

The Watsu was really interesting. You feel like a dolphin, your body sways in different oscillations, your eyes are closed, your ears full of water, you relax your muscles and do nothing but feel warm water around your body for as long as it takes you to loose yourself in the tranquility. You hear only your breathing. I felt like gold and silver glitter rising into the air. You rotate, left, right, your arms stretch, your legs are pulled, you loose all sense of direction, space no longer exists.

We spoke about healing, I told him about how my hands can "see". We spoke about the duties of a healer telepathically. I observed his techniques, and added a little something to my own.

Off I went, down the valley, now alone on the road and upwards, north to towards the tip of Coromandel. I stopped to photograph some sail boats in the harbor and make some dinner. People told me there were no places to free camp and urged me to stay in a camp ground [btw: common camp grounds suck]. I decided instead to make the bed now, finish all my cooking here at the harbor, and then wait until it was dark to pull into a space off the road to sleep - the risk would be low of detection.

The sunset was powerful rather than long. A huge red ball rapidly appeared and descended between a bank of clouds into the sea. I stared at its flowing light as it pulsated across its body and fed my eyes with sight.

Curled into my van, and went to sleep. My dreams were vivid, and long, and difficult at times. I awoke to look out the van and saw millions of stars; I peered my neck out the window and saw them arcing all over the sea. I felt vulnerable here.

I awoke with the first of color of sun light in the heavens, left my spot immediately and skipped breakfast. After some time, the dew on the windshields subsided. The road northwards was treacherous, single isle, gravel, along steep cliffs. After about an hour, it got to its worse with creek crossings and so forth added into the mix. I was not in my element - normally this drive would have been fine, but I was not in a state to enjoy it either; everything was just washing over me. My brakes are also getting too weak to be reliant - so all things combined made me decide to turn around. I drove all the way back, wooshed west and within a few more hours I was in Aukland. As I got closer to Aukland I felt a return of my previous strength and composure. By the time I finally saw the first building in the 'city of sails' I was finally smiling inside again. "Accept your choices" I told myself, especially your mistakes! "Trust"... everything will fall into place. I listened to myself, and applied. Be positive, always look at everything positive and all will be better - its an essential truth. How quickly I forgot this lesson I just learned so deeply a few weeks ago.

Here things have been moving rapidly and positively. I found a place I can camp with my tent and park my van for free, I have already been to the car repair place so I could get some tips on how to deal with the seat-belt / bed issue [apparently quite a debacle].

The easiest solution was to remove the three remaining seat belts, unscrew all the wood in the back, ply out the planks, drop the back seats and then apolster fabric to the seats with the bed dropped so that it looks as if the van only has a bed in the back. Within a few hours I was done with time to spare to write down this blog report.
;-)

So I have no idea if I am going to see more of NZ now... it depends on how fast I sell the van, my mood, and air new zealand. I'm ready to leave NZ now though; so I could decide on a dime to leave earlier than the 26th; we will see how things go.

Tomorrow will be another full day: dread lock repair appointment, vacuum and clean the van, warrant of fitness on the van and working on a website for a client in Holland! I must say though, its nice to be doing the active life. Surprisingly I am really happy to be in Aukland; something I never expected. For those wondering I'm a total pro at driving stick now, I never even think about it anymore and driving in the city was a no brainer.

The city is clean, white and full of sail boats... and 2 min from my camp site is a strip of all the best [affordable!] Japanese restaurants in the city. what more could a man ask for?

*: btw if you look at my Earth Core post you will see that I said it feels like all my parallel selves have been "here before": its been very interesting to meet/remeet some parallel/fragments of myself here in NZ... you could say: "souls with a common root ancestry."